Monster-In-Law | 15
Show Notes:
Monster-in-law released on May 13th, 2005, and stars Jennifer Lopez, Jane Fonda, Michael Vartan, and Wanda Sykes.
Host Julia Washington and Guest Lynn Catalano discuss narcissism, mother-son-relationships, and the role women are allowed to play when wealthy.
Transcript:
Julia: Hey friends, this is pop culture Makes me jealous where we talk about pop culture through the lens of race or gender, and sometimes both. My guest this week is Lynn Catalan and we are discussing Monster in-Law.
Julia: If you understand the nuances and intersections of being a bi iPOC woman, a woman identifying a woman in a male dominated. And all the microaggressions that come with the daily existence in how media reinforces those stereotypes. But you still love pop culture, then pop culture makes me jealous. Best Friends Club on Patreon is just for you.
Julia: Join an incredible community of like-minded individuals who meet monthly to discuss a different topic in pop culture, access to bonus content and discounts on me. To learn more about how to become a part of the best friends club, visit pop culture makes me jealous.com/become a member. There's a hyphen in between.
Julia: Become a Member, become Hyphen a Hyphen Member. See you there. Monster in-Law was first released on May 13th, 2005 in Stars, Jennifer Lopez, Jane Fonda, Michael Vaan, and Wanda Sykes. But before we dive in, let me introduce you to my guest, Lynn Catano. An author, speaker, coach, attorney and survivor of narcissistic abuse, who helps people reframe their thinking in every aspect of their lives, from the workplace to their personal life, becoming an agent of change.
Julia: She is the author of the book, wrecking Ball Relationships, how to Identify, live With Or Leave The Narcissist in Your Life. Available now on Amazon. Lynn lives in Western New York, along the Canadian border with her husband, two daughters, three dogs, two cats, and 16 year old Turtle Lynn loves to travel, hunt for antiques, watch movies, and play word games.
Julia: Welcome to the show, Lynn.
Lynn: Thank you. Thank you, Julie. I'm so happy
Julia: to be. I'm excited you're here. I, um, was looking over our stuff and I was like, I will. I watched succession. I love Mrs. Maisel. I'm totally annoyed. I started the second season of only murderers in the building. Not really realizing every episode wasn't out yet.
Julia: Oh,
Lynn: that's frustrating. Yeah. That's frustrating. We're hanging on week by week. I mean, it, it makes you feel like you're, um, back in regular television, you know? Yeah, yeah. We can't watch them all in one sitting. I
Julia: know, I know, but I'm always like, but am I
Lynn: right? Like, I know I need the next
Julia: episode cuz I need to know if I'm right.
Julia: Yes, yes.
Lynn: But it's a good show. Yes. And and you know that it's a good show when you're willing to rewatch it on your own. Yeah. Like it's not a, not a rerun, you know, it's not Oh, it's the only thing on No, you've infinite choices. Yeah. But sometimes I choose those ones that you mention. Yeah,
Julia: absolutely. Okay, so let's kick off with a summary of the show.
Julia: And if you've been here a while, you know I pulled it from Google. This is what Google has to say. Charlotte is smitten when she meets Dr. Kevin Fields. So when Kevin pops the question after they start dating Charlotte happily accepts, but she soon realizes that Kevin's mom, Viola, is not quite thrilled to have a new family member.
Julia: Viola, a newscaster has just lost her job and is feeling rather attached to Kevin. So she regards Charlotte as her new competition and will apparently, Do anything to make her son call off the wedding. Dun dun dun. But before we really dive into the discussion of Monster in-Law, my first question so far this season to every guest has be is this, do you remember what you thought of rich and wealthy women or what messages you received about wealth and money when you were a.
Lynn: Yes. What a, what a complex loaded question. Um, but yes, absolutely. I think, um, the behaviors and the characteristics that I associated with wealthy, um, was cold, distant. Um, it, they were one of two, uh, archetypes. They were either the. Mm of, of someone very wealthy. And that meant that they were, um, always incredibly presentable.
Lynn: Like they looked in, you know, hair and makeup all the time and mm-hmm. Beautifully dressed designer bags, you know, the whole thing. Or they were that career person and. That was a whole different ballgame if they were a career woman, certainly when I was growing up. So it would've been in the, in the eighties, um, that looked different because a lot of times, uh, those, those women were told they couldn't have children.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. You know, they had to choose family or career. Mm-hmm. And, um, they were, they, they were almost impatient. Uh, the normal pedestrians, you know. Yeah. They were, they had risen to a level where, um, they were, they were playing by the rules of men mm-hmm. And succeeding. And they didn't want you to, um, upset the apple cartt.
Lynn: Yeah.
Julia: Yeah. We have that conversation a lot on the show about how like there's an element of you have to sort of cave into the patriarchy in order to actually succeed and have any success as a woman, because if not, um, you'll get ostracized. And then what does that, where does that leave you? Right, with your career?
Julia: And that's hard.
Lynn: Yes. I also think there was a, a really terrible, and, and we still see it today, this like Margaret Thatcher syndrome where mm-hmm. A woman rises to the top but does not elevate any other women. Yeah. And that is so
Julia: disturbing. Yeah. Yeah. Especially, I mean, and that's sort of concept isn't like, we haven't really seen a lot of that.
Julia: Ever in history until more recent history. Like we're seeing it a little bit now, but I don't remember anything like that. And you know, my adolescent years were in the nineties, early two thousands, and it's just, it's either, there's only room for one at the table. That's like always been the message. Yes.
Lynn: Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Probably since the Equal Rights Act, I mean mm-hmm. You know, I mean, looking back, it, it's always been like a, a token kind of thing. If, yeah, if you looked around the room and you only saw white men mm-hmm. Well, then I guess we could allow one woman in, but, you know, make sure she's white so that, that, that.
Lynn: Bother any of
Julia: us, you know? Right, right. And then we can check it off the list and say, well, we have equality. Woohoo.
Lynn: Right, right. It's like meanwhile. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah,
Julia: exactly. Jane Fonda plays viola, and as Roger Ebert describes in his. Describes her in his 2005 review. Viola is seen as a possessive, egotistical, imperious monster who is, and I quote on the verge of a psychotic break end quote.
Julia: This woman has earned and established massive wealth over the years, largely due
Lynn: to her broadcast.
Julia: Broadcast journalism career and also in part to well-played marriages that put her in contact with the right people to get the right roles. In 2005 there, there were few women at the top of broadcast journalism that mirrors the level of star power as Viola Oprah, Barbara Walters.
Julia: I threw in Diane Sawyer as well. Yeah, agreed. All are are the three that come to mind to me. This was also Jane Fonda's return to the big screen after nearly 15 years of being away. She had incredible performances in the 1980s, which include nine to five and on Golden Pond. So I wanna talk about Viola because
Lynn: whew.
Lynn: How would
Julia: you describe Viola's behavior?
Lynn: So, it's funny because when I was writing my book Wrecking Ball Relationships, I, I love to use pop culture references because I think that's where we all find commonality. Mm-hmm. Whether it's music, movies, tv, I think that no matter where geographically we're from, What ethnicity, what gender, what race, whatever we can all associate and relate to this, to, to pop culture.
Lynn: Yeah. And so when I was describing what is a covert narcissist, Viola became the, the, the starring role. Yeah. Like she's, she's it, yeah. She's absolutely it. You know, when you think. Someone who, who is a narcissist by definition, but does things a little differently. Mm-hmm. And, you know, covert narcissists are defined by their, uh, specifically by their passive aggressiveness.
Lynn: Mm. And I think we can agree. Viola elevates passive aggressiveness to a whole new level. Yeah, she totally
Julia: does. She totally does. Especially when she like hires the fake psychiatrist to come and say that she's, you know, needs to be surrounded by family. She's totally manipulative to get into their world, and you're just like, poor Kevin doesn't, I mean, poor Kevin, but you know, Kevin doesn't see it.
Julia: He just doesn't see it.
Lynn: And is that, is that, uh, symbolic, like in a, in most relationships where there's any kind of discussion or dispute about the mother-in-law? Mm-hmm. Does the son husband see that? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. And sometimes, especially if it's passive aggressive behavior, you know, they'll see it from the other side.
Lynn: Oh, right. My mother was just trying to be kind. Yeah. You know, she was just being nice. She bought you a beautiful. Designer Coir dress. Yes, it was in two sizes. Too small,
Julia: right? Or when she wants to help with the wedding and she's just push, push, push, push, push. And like Charlie can't get a word in Ed's like at all.
Julia: And she'll start to say something and Viola moves on to the next thing. And you know, or when Charlie orders a cheeseburger and she's like, whoa, that's. You have to fit into a wedding dress soon, and you're just like, oh my goodness.
Lynn: Yeah. You're the brave one, Viola. Yeah,
Julia: because that's, you just said
Lynn: that out loud.
Lynn: Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And so like all those slips of the tongue or jokes, right? Mm-hmm. At your expense. Mm-hmm. Feel like death by a thousand cuts when you're, when you're the one on the receiving end of that type. Emotional manipulation. Yeah,
Julia: for sure. And he, she doesn't, she, the way she does it with Kevin is so, it's not different, but because she's loving mommy dearest, it's, he sees, he doesn't see it.
Julia: And, and it's hard cuz you know, I've been in that position too, where it's just like, cool. So your mom did this? My mother would never. Okay. I just don't know if this is the way we should spend the rest of our lives though.
Lynn: I just, I think it's, it's very interesting that Viola is very much in control for most of the, I don't know, a little more than half of the movie, I'd say.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. Where she is desperately trying to clinging to mm-hmm. Being the only woman in Kevin's life. Yeah. And it's, it's very obvious that, that that is not going to be how it ends. Mm-hmm. So she's doing whatever she needs to. To, to try and control Charlie. Yeah. And, and the turning point, I mean, when, when Kevin goes to his conference mm-hmm.
Lynn: And, um, she stays with Charlie and that whole, that's when Charlie figures everything out mm-hmm. With the help of her friends, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's when the whole thing changes and you can literally see the dynamic changing much to vi. Consternation much to her, uh, disappointment.
Julia: Mm-hmm. One of the things I was thinking of too, cause I re-watched it last night in preparation for a conversation and I was just like, in Viola's mind, she's probably convinced herself, well I've been promising, you know, cuz she does say that I've been promising to take my son to Africa for years and I finally have the time.
Julia: And then even Kevin makes a comment to like, oh, her number one priority has always been her career. Oh. And me too. But it's very clear that. Kevin's kind of come second, but then she goes over and above and beyond when she does have time with him, because she does make her career first. She does put her career first and um, He, he seems to have accepted that as being perfectly fine and, okay, so when she's, when she's big and boisterous and has all these, like, I don't wanna call, call 'em character flaws, but that's kind, that's pretty much what they are.
Julia: He doesn't see it as a problem because he is like, well this is just how she is. Cuz she was motivated and she was driven and she was so focused on her career and you know, you're just kind of like, Yes. And,
Lynn: but the good news is he reacts exactly the same when Charlie turns the tables. Yeah. Like when Charlie says, I want you to be my maid, no mirin of honor.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. She, he says, oh, I think this is lovely mom. Yeah. Yeah. What a lovely gesture. Yeah. So, you know, he does, he does work both sides the same. So. Yeah. Yeah.
Julia: I thought the most sinister thing that Viola did though was to invite, um, the ex uhhuh. Yeah, Fiona. I was like, oh my God. That's so, that's just cruel.
Julia: That's just cruel.
Lynn: Well, it was like she knew at that engagement party, by the way, I mean the engagement party scene itself, the, it's such an act of covert narcissism, right? Mm-hmm. In this, in the sense that she invites them over, they think it's a barbecue. They get there, it's black tie with heads of state all over the place.
Lynn: Yeah. And then we have the, the dress that, that she bought for, for Charlotte that doesn't fit. And then she sends Kevin in and sends the ex-girlfriend in as if knowing exactly what's going to happen. Mm-hmm. And then Charlie walks in and sees them kissing. I mean, Kevin saves the day. Yeah. He tells her, you know what, I get it.
Lynn: I don't really fit into this place either anymore. Yeah. Yeah. So don't worry about it. Like, like Viola's whole plan was to show her how she would not fit in their lifestyle. Mm-hmm. And to kind of, Shame her into realizing that they're from two different worlds.
Julia: Yeah. Yeah. And it kind of, and, and it obviously, it backfires because I, she doesn't realize that her son has grown and changed.
Julia: She's been so non-res and not just non-res in being in rehab, but just non-res because of her career. Right.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. Right. I have some issues with the way they portray her success. Hmm. In that, um, it, I like, we can't have a successful female broadcaster unless we throw in the fact that she's on the, on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Lynn: Yeah. And also we have to throw in that she's been married and had, um, multiple failed marriages along the way. Mm-hmm. It's almost like we're trying to discredit and take away from. Any success that she's achieved. Yeah,
Julia: that's a really good point. And that's, you know, a lot of, like when we talk, when I've been doing interviews and a lot of what people's takeaway have been about wealth and women, it's like mostly negative portrayals.
Julia: Especially when you look pre 2010,
Lynn: Miranda Priestley. I mean, you know, to me she's, she's rather similar. She's a lot of similarities to, mm-hmm. To viola. I mean, that's, that's awful. So that, that's what Hollywood is saying, that in order for a female to be successful, then we have to be a bitch
Julia: according to that.
Julia: Yeah. Yeah. And you're not allowed, you can't make it. You can't make both work. You can't have it all. Right. Right. You cannot, how dare you try. You're just gonna fail. Right,
Lynn: exactly. That's the message. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Gosh, wow. It's
Julia: awful. It is awful. And it makes me sad and people get mad at me cause I'll be like, you know, Miranda Priestley is working in a man's world and yeah, she sucks and she keeps perpetuating, um, all these horrible things keep happening.
Julia: But also she doesn't know any better and can't do any better because she's trying to survive the patriarchy. Like she's dealing with men who are like mad about money and like, whatever. And Sure, yeah. She creates a. Awful environment. I'm not justifying that. I'm just saying. If I was of a certain generation, the Miranda Priestley era, you know, we did an episode, um, on Working Girl, and some of the research I did on that, it was like, you know, business schools didn't even start accepting women like graduate schools levels.
Julia: Schools didn't even start accepting women until like the late sixties or you know, around that era. So it's like you don't even have the opportunity because at that time in 1988 there was a report that said something to the effect of, You have to be in your career for 34 years to make it to c e o. So if women haven't even been allowed to be in the position of.
Julia: In those places where you could make it to c e o and they've only been allowed in that space for 10 years. Like you're cultivating an environment where you're gonna be like cutthroat and ca, you know? And it's like you're not making space. You're intentionally not making space for women to succeed. And then you're mad because we turn into these, or then you call us the B word because we behave like you.
Lynn: Right. Right. It's, it's annoying. It's, it's awful. It's awful. Well, you know, when a woman is, um, aggressive or assertive mm-hmm. Like, those, those words are then turned against us. Right? Like a man can be aggressive and assertive and Wow. He's, he's just a big power in business. But a woman does those things and they go, well, she's aggressive.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. And assertive. You know what that means? Yeah.
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Julia: So Viola loves her son dearly, who clearly admires his mother and is, and, and Viola is threatened by his new relationship with Charlie. But her behavior is so wild and so outrageous. I mean, she's downright di diabolical in some scenes, like we mentioned, inviting, um, the ex-girlfriend Fiona to the engagement party.
Julia: Um, she also encourag. Or she, and then she also puts, uh, nuts cuz we learn early on in the movie that Charlie's allergic to pretty much so much food. Like how does this girl live? Um, so she ends up putting nuts in, um, one of the foods at the, um, rehearsal dinner. And Charlie has an allergic reaction. And as a person who's allergic to food, that's the most terrifying thing that could happen.
Julia: But we mentioned Viola has been married several times, and in this film she's currently single. We. You can see the comparisons between Fiona and Viola. They're practically carbon copies, but Charlie's different. She's sweet, she's kind, she's content with dog walking. She's an artist. She is, you know, just kind of a little bit more free and flexible and you know, moving the contrast between Charlie's down to earth, jolly behavior compared to Viola's driven and motivated attitude is clear.
Julia: And with the backdrop of Fiona, The message is very clear. Charlie is the antithesis of Fiona. So I'm wondering what your takeaway is, um, when it comes to the differences between Charlie and Fiona specifically.
Lynn: I mean, it's hard to see Kevin ever being attracted to someone like Fiona. Mm-hmm. Knowing how in love he is with Charlie and all the reasons that he loves Charlie, they are.
Lynn: Literally, as you said, the antithesis. They're opposite ends of the spectrum, but I think that. Fiona has the ability to manipulate. Mm. Very similar to Viola. And that's where they share those, uh, characteristics and, um, likes. I think that, um, you know, Fiona is at her, um, she's at the end. She is willing to do anything.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. To try and get Kevin's attention, and if that means telling Charlie that he's gay mm-hmm. If that means, um, you know, be showing up at Oh, awkward times. I mean, she's, it's a desperate plea. Mm-hmm. At that point, I don't really understand how people think that would succeed. You know, when. Kevin shows up to a party with his girlfriend.
Lynn: Oh. At that point it was his fiance. Mm-hmm. Fiona says, seeing me and me kissing him is gonna change everything. Right.
Julia: Like,
Lynn: wow, where do you get that kind of confidence? You know? Right. Great. Holy crow. Right. Showing up, you're gonna change the course of someone's life. Mm-hmm. That's, that's a lot. That really is,
Julia: yeah.
Julia: Yeah. And you're, when you mentioned the whole comment about him being gay, like they established that from the jump. So before we even really, like, is it before we see Fiona have her. I think it's, before we see fi, it's like one of the first scenes and she's, you know, Charlie's run into him multiple times but hasn't been introduced yet.
Julia: And she's curious. And then Fiona's like, oh yeah, like she's sensed, like she realizes, and she's such a snot too, because at one point too, at that party, Charlie's eavesdropping and Charlie's like, oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have be been eavesdropping. And, and Fiona's like, yeah, you shouldn't have been. So it's very clear too that she's kind of classist in a way because it's like you're the help, you're not allowed to engage with us.
Julia: We are here to have a good time. You're supposed to be in the background bringing me food and drinks. Bye. Yeah.
Lynn: She actually says to the others something like, you know, was she actually like listening to our conversation? Did she, mm-hmm. Did she actually try and like participate?
Julia: Yeah. I just can't with Fiona, she drives me crazy.
Julia: And then when she showed up at the engagement party, I was just like, okay. Like that's really
Lynn: desperate. But, but wait. And then Viola invites her to the rehearsal dinner like she keeps coming back. Yeah. I mean, uh, you know, obviously Viola was trying to create a scene wherever she, and, and again, this goes to her narcissism.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. She needs to be in control of the whole thing. Yeah. Like the puppet master. Right. Yeah. So she's trying to control, okay. I, I still don't understand this, but okay. We'll play along here in Viola's mind. She. I'm gonna invite Fiona to the, to the rehearsal dinner and show Kevin what he's missing. Right?
Lynn: Is that, is that what that point of that, I'm, I'm, I, I just don't understand how a man on the, on the eve of his wedding to his true love would say Yes, Fiona. That's what I've been missing. I made a mistake.
Julia: And too, when she enters into the party, comes down the stairs and she's like, welcome everybody. Yes.
Julia: You know, makes it like a mini and everyone just kind of claps and you know, right. Jennifer lo Lopez's likes don't clap for her. To her friends. Don't do that. What did you guys talk about? She's like, she's so charming. We're so sorry. Like, can we get an autograph? You know? And they're also mesmerized, even though they know all the.
Julia: Things. Her friends are still so mesmerized by her because her charisma is just oozing, but. Television personality too, right?
Lynn: Yeah. But that goes to, you know, just about every person who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, someone in their lifetime describes them as a great person. Mm. Uh, very charismatic, fun to be around.
Lynn: And you know, they're known to wear a mask in public and be very different behind closed doors. And she just, Is incredible at it. Yeah.
Julia: Yeah. She really is. I mean, Jane Fonda. Yes. You know what's. It was, oh, sorry. It was interesting too because the Roger Eber review was like, how, why would she like, this is her first movie in 15 years, like why would she choose this movie?
Julia: That was kind of his attitude. And then, you know, I've seen this movie a billion times cuz it comes on TV all the time and now it's on H B O Max. I'm watching it and I was like, this is actually a really. As a person who has acting experience, this would be such a fun role to play because you have so much to work with when it comes to being like an evil character.
Julia: Like the fun characters, the sweet characters, like those are fun too, but they're, they almost are written one dimensionally in a way. Yes. Yes, because you're so nice and you ke, you're like a little puppy dog. But with like this character of Viola Fields, there's so many layers, there's so much depth, there's so many ways you could do it that I thought, no, I feel like that's a really good entry back into your acting career after being away for 15 years cuz you have this very juicy character to become Well,
Lynn: you know, I, I really, I love representation at all levels.
Lynn: I really love representation of women. Over 50. Mm-hmm. And we don't, we don't see enough of that in film and tv. Right. And if we do, don't forget that they're kind of the, you know, like dotting grandma kind of role. Mm-hmm. And Jane Fonda looks incredible in this role. Yeah. He is dressed to the nines in every scene.
Lynn: You're absolutely right. She plays that whole range of emotions. You know, she's hysterically crying. She freaks out on her last guest. She has, um, you know, desires to drink alcohol after she's been to rehab. She has, she's, uh, laughing. She's. You know, um, sh mixing and mingling with, uh, leaders and guests and entertaining people, and then she's really being horrible.
Lynn: Yeah. Charlie. Yeah. One-on-one, but only one-on-one. Yeah. Yeah.
Julia: So that's, that's where that covert part comes in that you've mentioned. Yes, yes. Do you think that this movie could be made today as is?
Lynn: So, you know, it's funny, I, I look at movies like this and I thought, well, at least Wanda Sykes is in it. Yeah.
Lynn: We have some color. I mean, Jennifer Lopez certainly brings some diversity because otherwise it seems awfully, uh, pale. Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. Um, but Wanda Sykes isn't in a, she's in kind of a subordinate role. Mm-hmm. She is a subordinate to, mm-hmm. To Jane Fonda and. It almost seems like they dance around the topic of Jennifer Lopez, um, having a little darker skin, but they never talk about it.
Lynn: Yeah, I think they'd have to address it in today's. Remake, I think they'd need to say. Mm-hmm. What's your real motivation? Why don't you want Kevin to marry her?
Julia: Yeah. You know, it's interesting too because when Elaine Strick comes in at the end, which, oh my God, she's fabulous. And she goes, and they're fighting, and then she's like, now get outta my way so I can see this woman marrying my grandson.
Julia: Ooh. Kevin got himself a Latina and I was. Wait, did you really just say that?
Lynn: Like,
Julia: you know, this old lady, I mean, Elaine Strick is just brilliant in anything she does, but it was just this moment of like, I had forgotten about that line. Yes. And I thought, oh. Could, could we even get away with something like that now in filmmaking?
Julia: Like I don't even think so.
Lynn: Yeah, I don't think so.
Julia: And it's like, is it justified because she is like the old lady? Because when I worked in aging services, Um, people would say things like, oh, well they're 80, so it was different when they were young and stuff like that. And it was just like, yeah, no, we still, we don't really like, that's a la Like, I feel like they haven't grown If they're still using that, like, I'm not accepting that they're 80.
Julia: Like I feel like society's moved past that they should have too. Yeah. Yeah.
Lynn: I agree with you. I, I just don't think it's acceptable at any age. I mean, And, and don't qualify yourself and tell me you know, that you have an excuse because you're, you're old. That's ridiculous.
Julia: Yeah. Yeah. I think it's ridiculous.
Julia: Okay. Final question. Have your opinions about wealthy women changed over time?
Lynn: Yes, definitely. Absolutely. Absolutely. I would hope that, Representation has changed over time. Um, and that we see women are as, we are completely multi-dimensional. We're not one or the other. And we can run our own company and be our own boss and still have time to have a family and, and be a wife and.
Lynn: You know, being married doesn't make you subservient. Mm-hmm. And, um, it doesn't matter who you're married to or. What your background is like. I, I think it's an incredible period of time that we're in right now where none of that matters. Yeah. Like how exciting. And you know, I have, um, I have two daughters and they're young women now.
Lynn: And they could care less about someone's gender, their sexuality, their nationality, their religion. They don't care about any of it. They care about the person. Yeah. And Wow. Isn't that what we wanted? Mm-hmm. Like, didn't we want people to get to this point? I mean, I know there's still awful people out there that care about labels and everything else.
Lynn: Yeah. I know they exist. Yeah. But, um, I think it's an incredible time where, um, young people just wanna have relationships. Yeah. It's great. Yeah.
Julia: Yeah. I think you're right. I think it's important to. Have like that sort of awareness to be like, I'm just gonna accept you for who you are, and that's okay. You know, it doesn't like these, these labels are part of you, but it's not the reason why, like, they're not gonna be the reason why we aren't friends.
Lynn: Right, right. And you're not judged by those labels. Mm-hmm. Not at all. And they're not afraid of difference, which I think for me, I mean maybe this is less so for you, but for me growing up, I think people were afraid of difference. Mm. Like, and, and they just, it made them uncomfortable. Yeah. And none of that, like, I think those walls have come down for, for most people.
Lynn: Mm-hmm.
Julia: Yeah. We definitely, um, It's interesting now raising my son and how many people, like, it wasn't like a head turn type of, we did have a few instances where, you know, it was like, no, those are my parents. You should let that, you need to let my, like, they'd call me from the school and be like, there's these people trying to pick up your kids, their name's on the list.
Julia: You know? I get that. He doesn't look like them. Uh, you know, like that's his grandparents, let him pick him up. But, you know, it wasn't as often as that happened to us when we were kids, um, and, you know, just nobody, it's. Nobody ever believes me when I say, when I show pictures of my parents, like nobody sees that I look like my mom, but in a brown version, like it's not obvious the way it is when it's like a non-racial marriage sometimes, or relationship sometimes.
Julia: And so, To go from that experience to people just, uh, like it is you have, there is no doubt my child is my child, like he is a carbon copy in a male form. Um, you know, but like his eyes might be a little bit rounder or whatever. But like, the point is, is like people are like, oh, that's your person. Like, that's your child, clearly.
Julia: Um, so to be an adult in that situation is so weird because my whole formative life, no one ever believed that my family was my family,
Lynn: unbeliev. And now like people
Julia: see it like they're able to recognize unbelievable. By the end of the film, Charlie and Viola eventually come to an agreement terms they can live by.
Julia: This romcom buttons up so nicely like all romcoms do, making every woman who truly does have a monster in-law wish it was that easy to tame the beast. But what remains unclear is if Viola truly has the capacity to stick to these terms to make these changes. Cuz if you'll recall when she says you can only call, limit him, limit calling.
Julia: Kevin to once a day, and she's like a minimum of four. And I'm like, who does this?
Lynn: Oh my God. I would not, not be, I can't even, and he's a doctor, like, it's not like he's sitting at a desk all day.
Julia: Yeah. I can't, I, people at work, when they start bugging me a lot, I'm just like, listen, you've called me three times today.
Julia: You, that's it. You're done. Like, I can't take anymore. I will literally get nothing done today. And I don't like that feeling. Yeah.
Lynn: I mean, listen, I lost my mother very young. I, well, I, I say very young. It was, it was very sudden. She was 66 and 66. I was young. It is young, right? Yeah. And it was very sudden she wasn't ill, and I'm an only child, and so I did speak to her every day.
Lynn: Yeah. But not four times a
Julia: day. Yeah. That seems like a lot. Like I respected every day. I mean, we do that in our family right, too, but like four or five times a day. Like
Lynn: It's a lot. It's a lot. Unless I was cooking something that I had a lot of questions about
Julia: or totally different. Totally different. I was just thinking too, like when we make family trip plans, we're talking a lot.
Julia: Right. But like Right when life is chill. Yes, yes. And we don't have anything going on really. It's
Lynn: like,
Julia: I can't hang or like, or like I said earlier too, like the anxiety of other people because they can't handle that. Whatever they can't handle. I'm just like, don't put that on me. I'm not here for that.
Julia: Right, right. This is not my rodeo. I did my part. Yes, yes. That I did my part. Oh, it's. It's not about me, it's about you and your anxiety. Got it.
Lynn: Yeah. Well, you know, it's funny, um, and I, I, my mother was really good about not dropping by once. Mm-hmm. I mean, I lived in the same place as, as my parents, and here I had small children, or when I first got married and I thought, you know, please, I hate drop bys.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. Like, I don't want anyone to drop by because. It's uncomfortable. Yeah. Like I, I'm in my house, you know, and it, it's my private time. Mm-hmm. It's my space, you know, if I wanna wear, uh, if I wanna walk around naked, like Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I'd like that option because it's my house. Right, right. So it's interesting when you have in-laws and you have to kind of communicate that.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. And, and you know, thank goodness we're at a point where that's a good thing. Yeah, for sure. It's been an education. Yeah, for sure.
Julia: Oh my gosh, Lynn, thank you so much for coming by today and, um, joining me to have this conversation about Monster in-law. When it first came out, I was like, I'm sorry, did you guys, were you guys
Lynn: watching my.
Julia: I debated whether or not I should say that on the show cuz I don't know who listens from right my personal life. But I did it. I said it.
Lynn: Listen, I think that Jane Fonda is an exaggeration of any relationship that we've ever had with any of our in-laws, but we can all kind of relate to different parts.
Julia: Yes, that's exactly it. There you go. That's what Lynn said. Can you tell our friends at Homer they can find you if they wanna keep up with you online?
Lynn: Yes, please, please come to my website, lynn catano.com, L Y N N C A T A L A N o.com, and please follow me on Instagram at Lynn Catano Speaks or TikTok, same uh, handle Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter.
Lynn: I'm on the mall, so please find
Julia: me. And friends will link the website in the show notes to make it really easy for you to find her. And no excuses to not stop by and say hi. Thank you. Thank you again to Lynn for joining us and friends. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you in the dms. Pop culture makes me jealous, is written, edited, and produced by me, Julia Washington.
Julia: And I am fueled by the incredible support system of women who allow me to run ideas, cry k, melt down whenever I feel overwhelmed. I also wanna do a big shout out to our Patreon community. Thank you for your continued support. It brings me great joy to bring you quality content, and monthly get togethers.
Julia: Thanks for tuning in y'all. Until next time.
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